butterflies everywhere :o)

we went for a lovely walk yesterday over the nature reserve, and WOW over a hundred easily of painted lady butterflies, there was also meadow blues, peacocks, red admirals, meadow browns, just an amazing site to see, ive taken a few pics hope you can see them all :o)

something cute, well 4 little cutees

i moved the chicks into the main chicken area today, they were up there with mildred but seperated, so the others had got used to them. they love it, and such funny shenanagons , we've had loads of laughs watching them today, so thought i d share them with you, so you can see how much they've already grown.

updates

id just like to thank everyone for all their love, support and kind words.

i went to see the counsillor yesterday, she is lovely, knows instantly how im feeling after explaining it all to her, from paul first collapsing, to the recent life expectancy news. we will be starting properly in august and she is going to concentrate on trying to even my emotions out so im able to handle things emotionally easierly.

o and all my mixed up feelings and emotions are perfectly normal (me being called normal ?? think thats a first LOL)

so we continue to ride the storm and take each day as it comes, setting little monthly goals to do or look forward to.

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as for poor paul, chemo restarted monday, fine till yesterday , its kicked in and he is feeling very tired, sick, headachey .......... going over to oncology outreach today to collect clexane, so will see if his dosage can be reduced slightly, its supposed to be quality of life now, last night was anything but, hed had enough big style............... wasnt good.

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as for my little chicks ill have to take another pic, their little feathers are growing so sweet :oD and we have a new polecat baby. paul has called him "Basil" LOL he is actually the grandson of barney and puff who are taking care of him with bandit.... ill have to get a pic up of him too.

struggling emotionally at the moment

im struggling a bit at the moment with my emotions being all over the place, hence not a lot of posts lately.

we received some pretty grim news last friday from kings hospital in london. paul has been given 2 - 5 years if we're lucky. pretty bleak outlook really, especially as up till monday last week we were told his cancer was treatable. its taken me a week to sort of get my head around it, but i havnt really, ive just blanked the future out at the moment, my only way of dealing with it. how do you keep someone you love positive with news like that?? he restarts a new chemo a week monday, hopefully not to many side effects like last time, the oncology nurses have told me if he wont ring if bad reaction then im too, its a matter of paul have quality of life now.

its real hard to deal with, he says, like me, waited all our lives to meet each other (we met 6 years ago) finally get married and now this. hes been asked by relations if there is anything he hasnt done that hed like to do etc. no he just wants longer to be with me, has everything else hes always wanted.

i think it makes it harder to accept at the moment because he still looks so well, he is healthy in every other way. just the bowel cancer in the liver.... just LOL ................

im going to start seeing a cancer councillor week wednesday, and see if that can help me understand it all a bit more, and help me stay strong for paul, james, mike and stevie.

i just dont know anymore , its so hard. we're taking each day as it comes and trying to make the most of it, doing things we've put off in the past, like stopping at a pub, having a meal out etc. so just keep going i guess until he makes a turn for the worse. i know its not written in stone, but we do know he wont make old age with me.

thank you for listening :o)