hello

hello everyone, long time no blog.
i cant remember a lot about last year it all went in a blurr, im still having councilling, as is james. stevie is doing betterer now and has just got engaged to her boyfriend. mike is on his phase 2 army training and also doing really well :) im so proud of the 3 of them as would paul be :D
ive only got mollee now, as had to have tillee put to sleep last year, she mourned for paul and her life with him, started getting nasty and lashed out at james missing his face by mills, it was not good and a very sad time, in my heart paul spoke to me and said to give her to him hed sort her out :) we burried her with all her favourite things in the back garden under the goosegog bush , just stevie, james, molls and me, had our own little ceremony.
ive got 6 chooks again, 3 originals, i i hatched 2 yr ago and 2 new ones from a friend, they all seem happy, and in the mornings stoop down for strokes and tickles lol x
ive also now got 2 kittens ninja and pixie, they will be a yr old in august. gorgeous wee things and have brought some fun and laughter back to the home, mollee loves them to bits, the chooks put up with them as they go and lay in their run lol. when i go up to the chooks the kits are there with me saying come on mum we want strokes too lol
so my menagerie is still strong very loving and keep us entertained lol x

im trying very hard to make an evening meal each day now, as everything went by the wayside for a while. its been hard going and some days it still feels impossible to cope, but i have to i have james and stevie who need me, i feel paul around me all the time, feel his love :)
its coming up to our wedding aniversary in a few days time, 23rd May should have been 2 yrs. mixed emotions, last year i got very drunk and poorly oops.... but the neighbours did light some fireworks for me which was a nice close to the day, not sure what to do this year, maybe just remember by myself.

ive lost contact with some special friends , i havnt meant to its just been so difficult to correspond, i didnt send any xmas cards out i couldnt bring myself to do them, although we had a pleasant day, my dad, brother and sil came for xmas day, stevie, mike and me dad were here boxing day. my friends and family have been amazing in fact they have kept me going and supported me so much i dont know what id have done without them.

James decorated his bedroom easter 2 walls are red 2 walls egypian gold, it looks really good, and we moved it around so he had more room for his drums :) of which hes doing really well at, plays along to most tunes really proud of him :) he starts secondary september *shock* dont know where that times gone either.

think thats about all really at the moment, just wanted to say hi and yes im still here...... just lol x