my beloved husband

my beloved husband, Paul Magrino, sandly passed away in the early hours of sunday 14th february, he is now at peace from the awfull cancer that ravaged his body.
it is awfully quiet here without him, and we are all missing him terribly :( .
he went peacefully in bed by my side, the way he and i had wished for.

just like to thank my husband for all that he did for us, all the happy memories i have of him. i love you so much, you will always be in my heart and never forgotten. dont forget you have our farm and woodland to grow and build, ready for when i join you once again. take care my darling .

struggling emotionally at the moment

im struggling a bit at the moment with my emotions being all over the place, hence not a lot of posts lately.

we received some pretty grim news last friday from kings hospital in london. paul has been given 2 - 5 years if we're lucky. pretty bleak outlook really, especially as up till monday last week we were told his cancer was treatable. its taken me a week to sort of get my head around it, but i havnt really, ive just blanked the future out at the moment, my only way of dealing with it. how do you keep someone you love positive with news like that?? he restarts a new chemo a week monday, hopefully not to many side effects like last time, the oncology nurses have told me if he wont ring if bad reaction then im too, its a matter of paul have quality of life now.

its real hard to deal with, he says, like me, waited all our lives to meet each other (we met 6 years ago) finally get married and now this. hes been asked by relations if there is anything he hasnt done that hed like to do etc. no he just wants longer to be with me, has everything else hes always wanted.

i think it makes it harder to accept at the moment because he still looks so well, he is healthy in every other way. just the bowel cancer in the liver.... just LOL ................

im going to start seeing a cancer councillor week wednesday, and see if that can help me understand it all a bit more, and help me stay strong for paul, james, mike and stevie.

i just dont know anymore , its so hard. we're taking each day as it comes and trying to make the most of it, doing things we've put off in the past, like stopping at a pub, having a meal out etc. so just keep going i guess until he makes a turn for the worse. i know its not written in stone, but we do know he wont make old age with me.

thank you for listening :o)