hello

hello everyone, long time no blog.
i cant remember a lot about last year it all went in a blurr, im still having councilling, as is james. stevie is doing betterer now and has just got engaged to her boyfriend. mike is on his phase 2 army training and also doing really well :) im so proud of the 3 of them as would paul be :D
ive only got mollee now, as had to have tillee put to sleep last year, she mourned for paul and her life with him, started getting nasty and lashed out at james missing his face by mills, it was not good and a very sad time, in my heart paul spoke to me and said to give her to him hed sort her out :) we burried her with all her favourite things in the back garden under the goosegog bush , just stevie, james, molls and me, had our own little ceremony.
ive got 6 chooks again, 3 originals, i i hatched 2 yr ago and 2 new ones from a friend, they all seem happy, and in the mornings stoop down for strokes and tickles lol x
ive also now got 2 kittens ninja and pixie, they will be a yr old in august. gorgeous wee things and have brought some fun and laughter back to the home, mollee loves them to bits, the chooks put up with them as they go and lay in their run lol. when i go up to the chooks the kits are there with me saying come on mum we want strokes too lol
so my menagerie is still strong very loving and keep us entertained lol x

im trying very hard to make an evening meal each day now, as everything went by the wayside for a while. its been hard going and some days it still feels impossible to cope, but i have to i have james and stevie who need me, i feel paul around me all the time, feel his love :)
its coming up to our wedding aniversary in a few days time, 23rd May should have been 2 yrs. mixed emotions, last year i got very drunk and poorly oops.... but the neighbours did light some fireworks for me which was a nice close to the day, not sure what to do this year, maybe just remember by myself.

ive lost contact with some special friends , i havnt meant to its just been so difficult to correspond, i didnt send any xmas cards out i couldnt bring myself to do them, although we had a pleasant day, my dad, brother and sil came for xmas day, stevie, mike and me dad were here boxing day. my friends and family have been amazing in fact they have kept me going and supported me so much i dont know what id have done without them.

James decorated his bedroom easter 2 walls are red 2 walls egypian gold, it looks really good, and we moved it around so he had more room for his drums :) of which hes doing really well at, plays along to most tunes really proud of him :) he starts secondary september *shock* dont know where that times gone either.

think thats about all really at the moment, just wanted to say hi and yes im still here...... just lol x

my beloved husband

my beloved husband, Paul Magrino, sandly passed away in the early hours of sunday 14th february, he is now at peace from the awfull cancer that ravaged his body.
it is awfully quiet here without him, and we are all missing him terribly :( .
he went peacefully in bed by my side, the way he and i had wished for.

just like to thank my husband for all that he did for us, all the happy memories i have of him. i love you so much, you will always be in my heart and never forgotten. dont forget you have our farm and woodland to grow and build, ready for when i join you once again. take care my darling .

some of james' lego models

thought id have a change of theme LOL, and post a few pics up of james' lego creations, to which hes very proud of :o) rightly so :o)
this one is the electronical working area for the stage
this is the stage with all the lighting and disco effects, with a building/workshop in the back ground

some of the many vehicles

his crane

the full picture of his stage/disco area

hope you like them :o)

james on his sleigh this morning

couple of pics coming back from the shop, let james take his sleigh so he could scoot down the hill LOL

few pics of the chook area this morning

well once id managed to open the gate, i was able to go and let them out LOL

if you think were going out in that stuff again ?

well if i must, i am rather hungry

well in the end 6 came out, went back up 1/2 hour later with some warm porridge for them nad finally managed to coax the other 2 out LOL

very pink toes all day, james cleared one of the bench seats off and most of the day they sat up there LOL
now nicely snuggled back up in bed :o)

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took mollee out aswell earlier with james (school closed for the day due to yes the snow LOL) he took his sledge with him so could go down the hills and banks into the woods etc, had aa super time, mols was leaping around like a loopylala , everytime james went down the slopes shed chase after him, then come running back up to me barking, if james took too long getting of the sledge the other end, she'd run back done jump all over him licking his face, saying come on then, i want to chase you down the hills LOL, was so funny, we finally came home and dried off, warmed ourselves up with hot chocolate and marshmallows and hot buttered toast. very nice :o)

couldnt take tillee, in season and we'd have lost her in the deep snow LOL too cold for her as shes just a tots :o)

few snowey pictures

just took a few pics of the snow falling tonight, already 3" here and still snowing LOL
dont know what the chooks will think tomorrow when i let them out either ..

Happy new year

just like to send everyone new year messages, of hope, prosperity, love, togetherness, peacefullness and harmony Happy New Year to one and all :o) hope 2010 gives and brings you everything you wish and hope for :o)

Happy Christmas

we'd just like to wish everyone a happy christmas, hope youve all had a lovely day today.

much love and hugs to all :o)

more snow :o)

went for a lovely this morning with the girls in the woods, took the camera so paul could enjoy it to, hes not well enough to go out in the snow and ice now, so thought id take pictures for him :o)
heres a few, plus a couple before we went in the garden :o)


this is my log, when its dry ill often sit here thinking and relaxing with nature, very calming place for me :o)

off we go woo hoo LOL

tots is watching the chooks again, seeing all their noise and commotion this morning as more white stuff that freezes their little feet.

mols waiting , so come on then mum, stop the pictures, put your boots on and lets get out properly in the snow LOL

snowing :o)

its snowed at last :o) i love the snow, the girls seem to aswell not so sure about the chooks though LOL

halloween time again

James won first prize for best male dressed, last night at his school halloween party, he came home soooooooo happy :o) , always says to me i never win anything LOL, well here he is in all his glory................... spooky LOL

hi all :o)

thought id best pop in and say hello to everyone LOL, had a few traumatic weeks, and just havnt had the energy to do everything again. i think, fingers crossed that we have paul's pain control under control, hes on morphine now and this seems to have taken the horrendous, debilitating pain away, he is though very tired still all the time, im hoping once the pain relief really starts working he will be more his old self.
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one of our friends has arranged a special trip on the euro trains for james, he is sooooooo looking forward to it, only downfall will have to have a day of school, but i think this makes up for it LOL, hes train mad to say the least ...........

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only a quick post, as im off to my step sisters wedding today, taking james with me, so hopefully have a good time, pauls brother is coming up here to spend the day , so i know hes ok :o)

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love and hugs to all
xxxxxxxxx

updates

well paul now seems back on the mend, thank fully was only the infection , also the cancer changing in the liver can cause temperatures aparently. hes still got to have this heart check scan, but im sure that is fine :o) so looks like its not yet the start to the end, and hopefully will have longer with him :o) so scary it was, we have so much still planned to do together and as a family, things everyone has set their hearts on doing.............. we will do them and more :o)
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went to see a friend yesterday after cycling to the park with James , ended up having lunch there and lots of chitta chatter LOL, got hugs from little emma and amy ive missed them over the summer holidays, they all had a super time, think theyd missed james and he them too LOL
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my chicks are growing fast, dont look much like chicks now, still cant sex them yet though, mildred is back to laying me eggs, at night when i put them all to bed, i often find betty snuggled up with them LOL, mildred is back on the roosting bar. must take some more pics.
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most of the garden is now harvested, still have a few leeks, carrots, tomatoes ripening off. had the last of the lettuce yesterday, only runners left are for seeds, french beans coming up today. carrots i will harvest a few more, then maybe leave some in the ground, not sure paul will probably want me to get them all up so they dont grow any bigger LOL, potatoes we ended up with a huge sack full :o), still have spinache up there growing, trouble is no matter how much i pick, it grows back and i keep getting holes in the leaves............. chooks dont mind they love soinache and its great for the eggs :o)
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just one week left of school holidays now, i still need to get james some new pe shorts, plimsoles, trainers, jumpers and a new tie................... maybe ill get there this week LOL


think thats it for now, much love and hugs to all that visit me here :o)

paul

well pauls in hospital again, he had some real high temperatures over the weekend, started with a lot of pain friday morning, then come the evening 38.6 . he wouldnt go to the hospital friday night, but yesterday am we saw the chemo nurses and he had no choice as could have been a life threatening infection, fortunately its not, but they still dont know 100% where the infection is, they think its in the liver and the cancer is causing it. they are going to do an echo on his heart today to double check no infection there or piece of clot from his arm, this is just a precautionle check as his plateletes are low and with the temperatures his heart beat is a bit irratic. hopefully i can bring him home later today.

i just feel so tired at the moment, having spent the whole of yesterday in the hospital gets a bit draining.
chemo on hold till 7/9 but not sure if hes going to continue this course or not yet, when he wasnt on any he felt heaps better, and quality is what counts now. he does have a ct scan booked for end of september, and think he will decide then.

sandwich Bay

wow we had a supertime tonight over sandwich bay, first time in the sea for mollee and she loved it, even tillee this year was right in the water :o)

its been such a hot day here today it was lovely to go down to the beach and have a paddle and splash around in the water, the girls cooled off, we cooled off and all of us had a lovely time :o)

paul and i have had loads of chats and have both said all the time he is well enough we will do our upmost to have good fun times, happy memories for the future, try and live life to the fullest we possibly can, try and stay as chilled out as we can, as least amount of stress as possible :o)

tagged

i was tagged by tricia the other day http://tarragonnthyme.blogspot.com/ and have only just round to doing this. thank you tricia :o)
i have to tell you 7 things about me you dont already know?????? this could be hard LOL

1. im a qualified chef, but chose to go down the paper chain instead.
2. when i was little i was a real tom boy, making camps and climbing trees.
3. used to go off all day, cycling horse riding etc. mum never knew where i was in the summer holidays LoL
4. bit of a rebel , i dont really like conformity, the army would never have suited me. too much of a free spirit :o)
5. love weepy films
6. always seem to have milions of craft ideas flying through my head, just not enough time in the day to do them.
7. i used to do a lot of drawing, painting, charcoal drawings etc. perhaps i should start again :o)

ok not too bad then managed 7 things :o)

so to tag 7 other peeps ?? erm? im going to open this up to everyone who visits my blog, i know there are some from other countries so please copy across and forward to your blogger buddies too. well anyone really :oD

few pics of our walk the other day

thought id share these with you :o)

wild poppies

pigeon hidding in the bushes

heading straight for me LOL

never seen this type of bee before, so beautifull

they just love their walks

all pooped out LOL

thank you anne http://silversewer.blogspot.com/ sent me this award, now i'm supposed to nominate 5 other blogs LOL. some blogs i would have nominated have already received this award, and as i love reading everyones blogs all for different reasons, i really cant decide. so im offering this to everyone who visits my blog as i think you all deserve this award :o)

one of our walks

just one of our family walk outs :o)
love this picture